Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
