OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
