so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Randomize
