Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
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During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
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I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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