I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
