Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
