We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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