Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
