i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
