The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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