Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
