I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Randomize