i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
