i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
