Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
