Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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