I hate your face
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I wish you could order shots online.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
