My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
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