Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
