so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
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I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
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