you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We don't watch enough power rangers
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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