He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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