Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Randomize
