I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
