All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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