It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Randomize
