Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Randomize
