Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Randomize
