that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
