it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
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