Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
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