Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
