Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
