I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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