Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
