I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
