distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
two words: eviction party
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
we're so committed to being not committed
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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