Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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