I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
