we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
