DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
this just has baby written all over it
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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