Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
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