The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
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And the cops told us we were all naked.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
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He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
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