The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
