Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
