I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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