why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
