Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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