It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just forgot I was standing up.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
