dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
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