You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
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