so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
