she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize