I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
