that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Randomize
