I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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