I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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