2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
What drink are we having for lunch?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
