She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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