I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
