I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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