I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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