CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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