and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
