Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
