It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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