I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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