Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
