dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
