He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
