you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things ππ
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
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