I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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