Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Randomize
