what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Randomize
