when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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