Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
