He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
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I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize