you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
whose parrot is this?
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
