he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
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