Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's always time for handjobs
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Randomize
