Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize