omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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