Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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